Today I found my missing notebook. I was so very excited, but I didn't have a chance to read what I had written, so it may not be as wonderful as I thought it was. My main point is though I found the pages, and so I haven't lost the voice that woke me up in the middle of the night. I really, really, really want to write this story, but Selena needs me to finish her amazing adventure first.
Self doubt is such a killer. I really range back and forth wildly between extreme self confidence ( I am an awesome writer, and I know it) to extreme self doubt (I totally suck, and when I don't acknowledge that I'm being completely self delusional). Fortunately for most people I keep all of this to myself. Poor Rob sometimes hears my complaints, but I can tell he is just putting up with me or he thinks I'm fishing for compliments and reassurance.
Ultimately though, writing is something that I've decided I want to do. And not just freelance writing. I want to be a novelist, and so I'm going to swing back and forth between confidence and lack of confidence. I honestly don't know if that will ever go away, even after I'm published. All i can do is write, and work hard at revisions and then write some more.
How do you deal with your lack of self confidence on your tough days?